Addiction is a disease that can cause devastating effects. As a person who struggles with substance use disorder (SUD), you are probably all too familiar with the damage it can cause. While this is disheartening, you can take solace in the fact that this damage is not irreversible. 

Similarly, it is crucial to recognize how damaging your substance use can be for your family and loved ones. Even though they are not the ones directly experiencing the harmful effects of your substance use, your behaviors could have hurt them in various ways. Sometimes this is more difficult to accept than accepting how substance use has hurt yourself. Yet, this damage might be reversible as well.

What Are Your Loved Ones Experiencing?

Although this may be uncomfortable to do, it is crucial to be aware of your loved ones' experiences when moving forward with your relationships with them. In doing so, you will be able to give them a sincere apology with the understanding that they still may need time and space to heal. 

Your family and loved ones may be struggling to trust you again for various reasons. Keep in mind that this did not happen overnight; they developed this distrust over the course of your struggles with SUD. Progressively, they developed this distrust due to behaviors and circumstances such as the following:

• Lying about when you were using

• Lying about the frequency of your use

• Hiding substances

• Borrowing money for substance use

• Stealing money or possessions

• Consistently being under the influence

• Showing up late for commitments

• Not showing up for commitments

• Canceling scheduled plans in order to use

• Lying about who you are spending time with

• Lying about seeking help for your SUD

SUD caused you to do many things you would not do while sober. Many of these behaviors and actions included lying. Unfortunately, lying to family members and other loved ones over time may have hurt deeply. This pattern also may have caused them to expect you to lie to them, thus developing a distrust toward you. 

The pain that loved ones experience during this time will likely stay with them for a while. Watching you (someone they love and care about) hurt yourself and turn them away in favor of something harmful can be both confusing and distressing for them. When realizing that you are in recovery and ready to make amends, they may be hesitant to rekindle the relationship with you because they still need time to process their pain. 

What Can You Do to Help?

The absolute best thing you can do to help your family and loved ones heal is to continue on your journey to recovery. Continuing your sobriety no matter what and committing to your own health and wellness is the most beneficial thing you can do for yourself and for those you love. Not only does this help you grow, but it helps show your family that you are committed to your sobriety no matter what the circumstances are. 

Another thing you can do to contribute to their healing is to give them plenty of time and space. Even if you know you are capable of being back in their lives again, they may need time to know this to be true for themselves. Giving them the necessary time and space allows them to be able to thoroughly process their feelings. This is vital for them to do because it ensures that they do not enter the relationship with resentment toward you. 

If you would like to give your family or loved ones a formal apology, make sure you can get consent first. If they are not ready to hear an apology from you yet, you are crossing their boundaries which will only cause more damage to the relationships. Although, if you do receive their consent, be sure to recognize the hurt you have caused them and how they may need time to heal as a result. 

Even if you apologize and give them time and space, they may not want a close relationship with you again. The best thing you can do is respect this decision and accept the new dynamic between you and the family member as you continue to heal yourself. For others who do forgive you and agree to repair the relationship, be sure to take baby steps. They will still need time to heal and slowly build trust again. Even though this may be disheartening, it will ensure that you can rebuild a strong, secure bond together again.

Addiction is a disease that not only impacts the individual but their family and loved ones as well. Your family and loved ones may feel hurt and frustrated due to your behaviors that were influenced by substances. Some of these behaviors include lying about your substance use, hiding your substance use, and canceling prior commitments made with your loved ones. These patterns of behaviors may have caused your family members to develop a distrust toward you as a result. With time and space, you may be able to rebuild a relationship with them. Some may not want to continue a relationship, and that is okay. Either way, it is essential to give them space, not cross their boundaries, and continue to get help. We want to help you not only make amends and continue your sobriety. Reach out to our trained professionals at Next Level Recovery Associates today at consult@nextlevelra.com.