How Can Families Work Together to Manage Recovery?
While in early recovery, you will likely experience a plethora of seemingly new, uncomfortable feelings; this is normal and experienced by many in recovery. Without the use of substances in your life, you may find your conflicting emotions overwhelming at times. While these experiences are entirely normal and are even to be expected while in recovery, this does not mean they come without their challenges.
Why Am I Frustrated With My Family Members?
One such challenge you may unexpectedly face is your feelings towards your family members and the dynamics you currently have or have had with them in the past. Now that you are sober, you may realize that when you were using drugs or alcohol, you may have been suppressing your feelings of frustration towards your family members; you had these feelings, but the drugs or alcohol masked them. Now that you are sober and in recovery, you may find that your emotions are all coming to the surface. You may find yourself feeling resentful towards members of your family for a variety of reasons. Below are some reasons why you may be frustrated with your family.
They Made Hurtful Comments to You in the Past
Unfortunately, even though your family members love you, they can still say hurtful things that damage your relationship with them. Perhaps certain individuals made comments to you that deeply hurt you but were never resolved through healthy communication. Because of this, you could subconsciously have built up resentment towards them. Even though this is normal, it is not helpful for you or your family members, especially while you are going through recovery.
They Have Expressed No Interest in Your Recovery Thus Far
Having your family’s support is more important now than ever. The people who you are close with in your life need to be sources of encouragement, not sources of potential triggers. When your family members make no effort to be involved in your recovery, this can be extremely hurtful and frustrating. It can feel as though they do not care about you or are even ashamed of you and your struggles. Even though your feelings are real, the thoughts you are having may not be an accurate reflection of how your family members actually feel or think.
The odds are that your family members are extremely concerned about you and want to help. If they do not know what you are going through and how hard you have worked to overcome your addiction, they may have no idea about what is helpful and what is harmful to you. Perhaps they think that asking you about recovery is intrusive and will be upsetting to you. Family members might appear to show no interest simply because they have no frame of reference—they haven't experienced addiction or recovery, so they don't know what to say.
No matter the reason, having your family members express virtually no interest in your recovery can cause you to resent them because of the pain their apparent lack of interest has caused you.
What Can I Do to Help?
To begin navigating your family dynamics in a healthy way, you need to identify your personal boundaries and establish them with your loved ones. Having boundaries can help you and your family members respect one another while also ensuring that your needs are met when it comes to recovery. Some of these needs may include the following:
Respectful, nonexplosive conversations
A healthy amount of alone time
Support and care
Privacy regarding certain topics and conversations
A general environment of open-mindedness and acceptance
Once you have identified your needs, you can begin forming boundaries you would like to establish with your family members. For example, if one of your needs is alone time, then a limit you can set would be that no one can talk to you or communicate with you after 7:00 pm each night. Alternatively, if one of your needs is to have care and support from your loved ones, you could decide that you won't spend significant amounts of time with people who are not actively invested in your recovery.
If you want your loved ones to be aware of your boundaries and respect them, you will need to discuss these boundaries with your loved ones. These conversations require plenty of thoughtfulness and care on your part. You do not want to come at these conversations aggressively, as it could cause unnecessary arguments.
If you need help figuring out how to communicate your boundaries with your family, know that there are mental health and addiction professionals who can be there to assist you with this process. That way, you can establish healthier dynamics with your family members in a way that helps your recovery process flourish and gives your family ways to support you.
It is normal to experience frustration towards your family members while in recovery. Perhaps they have made hurtful comments to you in the past or do not seem to actively support your recovery. To ensure that you can achieve your recovery goals with support from your family, establishing boundaries with family members is essential. You must first identify your needs, then form boundaries that satisfy these needs. Communicating these boundaries with your loved ones in a respectful and thoughtful way can be difficult to do. Know that there are mental health and addiction professionals who can help you communicate effectively with your family members. At Next Level Recovery Associates, we want to ensure that your family is on your side during recovery. We can assist you with communicating with your loved ones respectfully and thoughtfully. To seek support today, contact us at consult@nextlevelra.com.