How Does Addiction Affect the Family?
Addiction is an incredibly distressing experience to have to work through. Even though you may be able to acknowledge that addiction is a difficult journey for yourself, you must also keep in mind how addiction affects your family. Unfortunately, you are not the only one who must suffer the consequences of substance use. Prior to your recovery, your family had to go through each step of your addiction with you whether you were aware of this or not. While this is not your fault, you must keep in mind that your family might be going through their own journey as well.
How Are They Feeling?
During active addiction, it is common to lie about many things in order to continue using. You may have lied about the following:
Not using when in reality, you have
Where you are
What you are spending money on
Why you need to borrow money
Why you need to cancel plans
Who you are spending time with
Repeated lies can cause your family members to lose trust in you. They may feel that getting close to you is dangerous for them because they are never able to know the truth. The process of losing trust in you can also be a confusing process for them. They may no longer know who you are as a person, which makes facilitating communication that much more difficult. Losing trust does not happen in one day; it happens over time. Therefore, it takes time to repair broken trust with your family members. They need plenty of time to know that you are honest and that your recovery is legitimate.
Watching you go through active addiction and suffer greatly can be devastating for family members to witness. They may feel incredibly sad at having to watch you constantly be in pain. This sadness does not go away when you enter recovery. Unfortunately, this second-hand, empathetic pain can leave wounds that take time to heal. Even if you are no longer in that cycle of pain that addiction creates, your family members may still need time to process and work through this pain for themselves.
How Can I Help?
When you realize that your family members are in pain, your first instinct may be to try and confront them and make amends right away. As hard as it is, you must try your best to give them the time and space that they need in order to heal. Addiction can cause families to temporarily fall apart in the sense that the connections you once had with your family members are now diminished.
As distressing as this might be to realize, do not lose hope. Even though it can feel counter-intuitive to give your loved ones space to restore your relationships with them, doing so is vital. This space that they need can allow them to heal and realize that you are able to safely take care of yourself again. You are no longer in constant pain, suffering, and danger, and this time away from you can help them realize that.
With time, your family members may find healing and forgive your previous actions and behaviors that have hurt them. Some members may take longer than others. One person may need a month, whereas others may need years to heal completely and begin reestablishing a close relationship again. You cannot control your family members, so keep in mind that some individuals may not forgive you. While this is disheartening, you must remain in recovery and continue to forgive yourself even when others cannot do so.
How Do I Learn More About My Family and Their Experiences?
If you want to do your part to learn more about your family members' perspectives while they are taking space to heal, you can always reach out to mental health care professionals to teach you more about what your family members are experiencing. Learning all about these experiences can be incredibly disheartening and even cause feelings of shame to occur. While this is normal, it will be immensely helpful to embark on this learning journey with a team of individuals who offer care, compassion, and understanding. They can reassure you that you are not a bad person and that you were only doing the best you could with the tools you had at the time.
If you and your family feel comfortable communicating during this process, you can attend family therapy in order to learn more about one another in a safe environment. Communication can be difficult in normal circumstances, but when addiction is involved, extra help may be necessary to ensure there are no misunderstandings. Reaching out to trusted professionals to assist you in this process can be extremely beneficial.
Addiction affects the family unit in many ways. Learning about how your family members are feeling as a result of your addiction can be a good place to start. When realizing that your family might be feeling hurt and concerned, you may wonder what you can do to help. The best thing you can do for yourself and your family is to continue with your recovery and give them the space they need to heal. To further connect with and understand your loved ones, attending family therapy sessions can help facilitate communication. If you need help making amends with your family, the professional team at Next Level Recovery Associates is here to help. We know how addiction affects the entire family and how to move forward in a healthy and safe way. To learn more about how you can rebuild connections with your family, contact us today at consult@nextlevelra.com.