How to Communicate With a Loved One if You Suspect They Have Relapsed

We all know that communication can be a problem. Miscommunication and lack of communication are two of the biggest things that lead to disruption in life and relationships. It is no wonder that communication with a struggling loved one can be challenging. 

If a loved one has been in recovery and your bond with them has improved, it can be challenging to bring up the possibility of their relapse. You don't want to accuse them or break their trust, but you also want to ensure you're bringing up a potentially significant situation. Learning how to communicate with a loved one if you believe they have relapsed is essential to supporting their recovery and helping them get back on track. 

Understanding Substance Use Disorder and Its Lifelong Effects

Substance use disorder (SUD) is challenging. You know this. However, once a loved one is in recovery, it can seem like things have calmed down, and life may feel back to normal. Still, it is important to remember that recovery from SUD is a lifelong journey. Even someone who has been sober for a decade is always at risk for relapse. Understanding this is vital to your overall hold on the situation.

According to the American Society of Addiction Medicine (ASAM), “Addiction is a primary chronic disease of brain reward, motivation, memory, and related circuitry. Dysfunction in these circuits leads to characteristic biological, psychological, social, and spiritual manifestations.” People need to understand SUD because, over time, many have looked at this disorder as something that a person can choose to do or not do. 

However, this is not the case at all. SUD is a chronic disease. Understanding that your loved one is struggling is vital to your chance at a calm conversation regarding the risk of relapse. 

Relapse Can Be a Part of Recovery

Although not everyone will experience a relapse during their recovery journey, it is more common than one may think. It is important to recognize that relapse does not mean that your loved one has failed recovery. Naturally, if your loved one relapses, you may feel disappointed and frustrated. However, to communicate with your loved one, you must understand that they likely feel the same way. They are probably feeling ashamed. No one is ever proud of relapsing. 

Understandably, you may be angry, but it is essential to express that without reason. If you are going to ask your loved one if they relapsed, you don't want to say something like, "I knew you'd do this." Instead, you want to offer support. Let them know you have noticed some signs that they are using again and that you want them to know you are there for support. Encourage them to seek out treatment again. 

Relapse is not a failure, but rather a notch in the never-ending belt of recovery. According to the National Institute of Drug Abuse (NIDA), "Relapse rates for addiction resemble those of other chronic diseases such as diabetes, hypertension, and asthma." Roughly 40 to 60% of those with SUD experience a relapse. 

Relapse Happened, Now What?

When a loved one relapses, especially if that person was doing well in their recovery, it can be difficult to stay in a positive mindset. However, showing them that you have faith in them is essential. They may have lost confidence in themselves and feel at their lowest. What your loved one needs from you is to be held accountable and supported.

Encourage Them to Seek Support

You can start by working with them on the next steps. Encourage them to reach out to their sponsor, return to rehab, or attend a group meeting. You want to make sure they know you are there for them, but they need to take ownership and do the work to get back on track. 

Talk About What Happened

If they are willing, talk to them about how this happened. See if they will open up and let you in. They may not, and that is alright too. In that case, again, remind them they have resources where they may feel more comfortable getting help. 

Re-Establish Boundaries

It is also important to remind them of any boundaries you may have set the last time they went through treatment. Will they be allowed to live with you while using? Will you support them in treatment, but not if they don't return to treatment? You have likely worked through struggles brought on by their SUD in the past, so reignite those conversations.

What If They Don't Want Help?

There is only so much you can do. If your loved one is not willing to get help after relapse, you can talk with them, support them, and encourage them, but they need to want the help. If they won't return to a treatment facility, you may need to set up new boundaries until they decide they are ready. If that is the case, let them know you cannot be around them in this state but will support them when they're ready for help. When that time comes, be sure to live up to that promise so that the trust remains strong.

Communicating with a loved one when you think they may have relapsed can be difficult. It is hard to watch someone you love go through this when they've worked hard to overcome it. However, you're not the only one struggling. Your loved one is hurting too. Next Level Recovery Associates is here to help you and your loved one no matter where you are in your recovery journey. We will work with you to ensure your loved one has what they need to reenter treatment. With family coaching, we will focus on your relationship and how that support is vital to success in recovery. We will work with you to create the ideal treatment plan that will help you and your loved one find peace and healing. Reach out to Next Level Recovery Associates at consult@nextlevelra.com to learn more about our resources.