What Does Codependency Mean and How Can It Affect My Recovery?
Codependency is an unhealthy relationship where one person will give up on their own needs and desires to focus on those of the other person. For example, this can occur in a romantic relationship between siblings, friends, parents, and child. It can be seen as a behavioral addiction because the people involved form an uncontrollable need for the validation and enabling of the other person.
What Is Codependency?
Codependency is an unhealthy reliance on another individual to meet your emotional or psychological needs in a partnership.
It can be seen in someone with substance use disorder (SUD) and the person that takes care of them, whether a caregiver or codependent. The caregiver feels needed because the person with SUD relies on them to meet their psychological needs. This reliance validates the caregiver and can even lead to the caregiver enabling the addiction to ensure they are still needed.
Signs and Symptoms
The signs and symptoms of codependency can vary by the partnership, depending on the people involved and the situation surrounding it. Commonly there will be feelings of insecurity and low self-esteem. Some actions may include:
Trouble understanding their feelings
People pleasing
Seeking out validation from others
Difficulty making decisions for the partnership
Trying to fix your partner
Lack of boundaries within the relationship
Trouble communicating with the partner
Fear of abandonment
Caregivers of individuals struggling with SUD tend to take responsibility for their loved one's behavior. This can be seen when:
The caregiver tries to cover up the substance abuse
They won't hold the person with SUD accountable for the consequences of their use
The codependent will support the person with SUD habit if they lose their job
Effects on Daily Life
Codependency can lead to an unhealthy obsession with making others happy and neglecting the individual's needs. This can lead to added stress, agreeing to things they are uncomfortable with or that may even hurt them, mental health problems, and enabling bad habits in the partner. The compulsion to meet the partner's needs and desires could be costly to the codependent. It could hinder other relationships with friends and family and affect the workplace.
For example, suppose your partner has alcohol dependence and comes to your place of work intoxicated. In that case, that affects how you look to your employers and could even lead to your termination, depending on the severity of the situation.
Another example could be your partner struggling with SUD losing their job, which means you are now responsible for covering all expenses for you, them, and their addiction. This could mean you have to get another job or pick up extra shifts to make more money, adding more stress and difficulty to your life.
A third example, you finally see a problem with your substance use and want to seek help. Your codependent partner feels that you will get better without substance use and leave them, so they go out and acquire your substance of choice and manipulate you into continuing to use.
Effects on Recovery
The unhealthy nature of a codependent nature with SUD can lead to enabling and relapse. The caregiver of the person with SUD may see the substance use as security for the relationship and help them continue using. It allows the codependency cycle to continue and the caregiver to feel like the person with SUD can't leave the relationship.
The caregiver's actions can make it harder for the person with SUD to see the error of their behavior because it is always covered up or fixed. This can make it harder to start the recovery journey and make it easier to continue using. The caregiver will continue to support and clean up after the individual, even when the situation reaches extreme levels.
The codependent may try to hinder the person with SUD's recovery because they feel without the substance use, they will be abandoned. They may feel like they need the turmoil and uncertainty that comes with substance use to feel important and to get validation.
Seeking Help
Coming to terms with a codependent relationship can be extremely difficult for either side. As someone struggling with addiction, it may be harder to acknowledge a problem because the codependent partner is always there to fix the situation or hide the consequences. On the other hand, as the codependent partner, you may feel that you are needed, validated, and helping the person with SUD. This would make it harder to see the unhealthy and compulsive nature of codependent behavior.
Seeking out help as soon as you feel there may be a problem with your relationship is best for everyone involved. Next Level Recovery is equipped to help those with SUD and co-occurring conditions, as well as to help their loved ones.
Having a support system during your recovery journey is critical. It is important to keep in mind that there are healthy and unhealthy relationships. Not all relationships are healthy for your sobriety. Noticing and acknowledging signs that you may be in an unhealthy or codependent relationship could save you from a relapse. Holding onto a relationship is not worth risking your sobriety. You are not alone; there are people who want to help and be a support system during this time. We at Next Level can provide a personalized experience to ensure you get everything you need to thrive in your recovery journey. For more information, email us at consult@nextlevelra.com.