What Does Codependency Mean and How Does It Affect the Family Unit?
Knowing more about codependency and how it can affect your family is incredibly important in recovery. Many misconceptions surround this concept and how codependency can present itself, so learning more about it can be exceptionally helpful for you and your family.
What Is Codependency and What Does It Look Like?
Codependency is a term that describes harmful dynamics in which one or all people rely on one another an excessive amount. Essentially, the people involved cannot function normally without the other individual. This is different from the dynamic between a child and parents, where the child depends on their parents as they grow and develop. Fully grown adults relying on another person to function is abnormal.
It can sometimes be difficult to tell if two people are merely close or if they are codependent on one another. Some typical signs of codependency can include the following:
Not being able to identify your own feelings
Constantly seeking the approval of others
Having no boundaries with others
Always trying to please others
Thinking of others' needs instead of your own
Having low self-esteem
Avoiding confrontation
Not having strong communication skills
Needing to control others and their actions
Becoming burnt out from constantly caring for others
Developing a deep resentment towards those you care for
Codependency can present itself in other ways as well, but the examples listed above are typically very common. Those who struggle with codependency are not bad people. In fact, they have very good intentions of trying to love others to get the other person to love them. Unfortunately, these efforts will never manage to achieve the desired results. The person trying to care for the other will never feel completely fulfilled from doing so because they are relentlessly ignoring their own needs. Likewise, the individual being cared for will never be able to be fully protected or taken care of because they are also neglecting their own needs, leading to a concerning lack of personal fulfillment.
What Should I Do if My Family Has Codependent Dynamics?
Realizing that you or others in your family might be part of a codependent dynamic can be incredibly startling at first. It is normal to be concerned, but do not let this fear dishearten you. You and your family can learn more about this disorder and form healthier dynamics.
Schedule Alone Time
Every person in your family needs to schedule their own, regular alone time in to separate from other family members. This time alone will not weaken the bonds between you and your family members. On the contrary, having alone time can allow you all to become closer because it helps to create healthier dynamics with one another. It can help you and others identify and process your thoughts and feelings, which can help facilitate healthy conversations with one another.
Spend Time With Other People
While in the midst of a codependent relationship or dynamic, it can be especially refreshing to remind yourself that you do not have to spend time with the same people all the time. Reaching out to other friends, family, peers, or co-workers can allow you to form your own individuality outside of the codependent family dynamics. It can be a helpful reminder that you do not need others in order to function while also learning more about other people and gaining new perspectives.
Devote Time to Your Passions
Spending time concentrating on your unique passions is a great way to begin changing codependent dynamics. Whether you are the caregiver or the care-receiver, focusing on your passions can help instill a meaning within you that is not dependent on anyone else but yourself. Having your own identity is exceptionally important when it comes to codependency and can help ensure that you and your family members continue to commit to breaking down codependent behaviors and begin building new, healthy dynamics.
Seek Professional Help if Necessary
If you and your family members are having a particularly difficult time changing codependent behaviors, consider connecting with mental health professionals to assist you. These individuals can help teach you all about the intricacies of codependency in a safe, caring environment. You can also all attend family therapy groups together while additionally meeting with a therapist individually.
This combination can help facilitate healthy communication between you all, help everyone realize their own identity, and allow each family member to learn more about one another. Having mental health care providers conduct these groups can give you and your family the unique tools that you need to combat codependent behaviors and patterns.
Codependency, although common, is an unhealthy pattern that can be present within family dynamics. It can cause individuals to continue in cycles of low self-esteem, cause resentment to build, and prevent individuals from feeling fulfilled in their lives. Even though these effects of codependency are scary, know that there are measures that can help. These can include scheduling alone time, spending time with other people, devoting time to individual passions, and reaching out for help if necessary. Changing codependent dynamics can be challenging. Those of us at Next Level Recovery Associates are here to assist you and your family. We want to help educate you and your loved ones, as well as safely facilitate healthy communication and understanding among all of you. We have the tools and resources to best serve you and your family's unique needs. Reach out to us at consult@nextlevelra.com to learn more.